Painful Memories
I am a wife and a mother of five sons and one daughter. I have gone through difficult experiences, especially after the martyrdom of one son and the imprisonment of another. These experiences marked turning points and the beginning of a journey of recovery.
I grew up in the Old City of Nablus, in a large family under difficult conditions. We lived crowded in one house; eleven of us slept in one room. My father was very strict and imposed rigid restrictions. I was not allowed to go out, socialize, or play outside. My childhood was filled with pressure and fear. I was a shy, withdrawn child, and this worsened after a serious eye injury that affected my mental well-being and self-confidence. The pain left a deep psychological impact that still continues, and whenever I go through a crisis, my eye weakens significantly.
A Losing Bet
Education was not a priority in my father’s view; girls belonged in their husbands’ homes. I tried to hold on to my right to education; I resisted in silence and deliberately failed the ninth grade to repeat it. My mother pressured my father, and I continued until the eleventh grade. Then I got married at eighteen, considering it a chance for a better, more independent life. At the beginning, I felt happy. But circumstances quickly brought me back into pressure: living with his family, conflicts, financial hardship, and moving between rented homes. I avoided conflicts and endured pressures to keep family life going.
Successive Shocks
The hardest event in my life occurred with the martyrdom of my son and the imprisonment of my other son. Two days before his martyrdom, we celebrated his birthday; he told me, “Prepare breakfast, I want to have breakfast with you.” It was the last breakfast and goodbye. I entered a long, silent shock. I did not cry or scream; it was as if my soul froze. What intensified my pain was that I felt my husband did not share my grief, and my relationship with him was deeply affected. He began psychological abuse, accusing me of negligence, and later I discovered his betrayal, which became a major turning point. Despite attempts to reconcile, it was to no avail. At that point, I made a difficult decision: I separated from him without divorce, for the sake of my children.
The Safety Net
During the difficult periods I went through, my family and neighbours were a lifeline. But my greatest source of support was my imprisoned son; his messages strengthened me: “Be strong so I can remain strong.” I understood my strength was also a responsibility. The most important transformation began when I joined a psychological support group. At first I was hesitant, but being with mothers with similar experiences helped me. I found a safe space to express my feelings and learned to deal with trauma and personal problems. For the first time, I felt truly heard, as if I was among my family.
Between Yesterday and Today
Psychological support changed my life significantly. It strengthened my personality and taught me how to confront difficulties and rise after every breakdown. I moved from shock back to life. Not because the pain ended, but because I learned how to live with it without letting it break me. I am no longer that shy, withdrawn girl; I am a woman capable of facing challenges and steadfast in the hardest circumstances.
My message to every woman who goes through what I went through: rely on God, then on yourself. Trust in your ability to rise from under the rubble, and in your ability to continue and build a more balanced life despite everything you have been through. Do not be ashamed to ask for help; psychological support is not weakness, but a path to recovery and life. We are capable of healing, no matter how deep the pain is.